I love you mom. I’ve been thinking about you every single day and it’s been painful. I try and focus on what I’m supposed to do but it has been really hard. I miss you so much that I sometimes just sit or stand and zone out thinking about you. It hurts to look at the things you’ve given me or the memories we’ve shared. I opened a card yesterday while cleaning and it was a birthday card I never got a chance to give to you. I was probably saving it for an upcoming birthday but just totally forgot I had it. I started flipping through a photo album of our adventures and I just couldn’t. I put it back in a box and I’ll need to revisit when I have the opportunity.
I thought again yesterday while folding clothes how much you loved me and I will need to let my kids know how much I love them and that you would’ve loved them so much. I’ll tell them about all the fun stuff we did together and how they would’ve had such a good time with you. You’re my shining star still and it has been hard to think about you without feeling emotional. I love you so much. It’s honestly so helpful to write about it because my life is so different without you and it’s hard to cope without laying out my feelings and just letting everything flow through me. I must feel the pain to get through it. I just want to feel your soft hair on my face when I hug you and smile at you when you drive away after a fun day of hanging out.
It’s so hard not being able to love someone who I always loved my whole life.